Sugar Words

We all keep saying to each other to focus on just our own story and not compare it with others – but the truth is – it is not easy. It is as good as saying there are hundred different screens in a room, each playing a different web series, and you cannot get distracted or think for a minute – well, that protagonist has an interesting life, maybe better than yours.

Except these screens are real people. Some you know, some you do not. But this jealousy of not having what they have generally stems from people you do not know. Because, for people you do know, you already acknowledge their story and, you think they deserve what they have.

Oh, but for people, you do not know – first, they come in huge numbers – social media, of course – the first thought being – if these many people can achieve XYZ – why am I not able to? Second- they look or feel like you and others around you (In terms of age, financially, family background, etc.) – so now your mind goes whirr and asks you, well they did not have an upper edge – then what are you doing wrong? And then there is a domino effect of your mind going whirr a million times.

But here is the thing – you are right, these strangers are normal people, but their stories from the very start have been different from yours. Their stories had different ideas and directors, different moral messages to pass, different dreams to achieve, different people to please, different characters, and most important of all different future in their blueprint.

So, wouldn’t it be a mistake to compare a thriller with a love story? A tragic mistake.

We do not get jealous of the success of people who are near and dear to us. This means that the achievements of others do not innately make us jealous. Though when a factor of doubt and insecurity is mixed with social expectation and being trumpeted by success stories of hundreds of strangers, as their failures never appear on your screen it results in this ugly-looking shake – a feeling called second-hand jealousy (this is what I call it).

Second hand, because it is not direct jealously (do not worry – you are not a bad person), it indirectly makes you jealous because it makes you think less of yourself as you compare your life with some strangers’ life and then social expectations that you built or other did for you (achieving something before a certain age, etc.) comes into play, and boom in no time you are jealous of their success.

Now the question is – How to not feel this second hand jealously? First, you need to tell yourself that it is okay to feel that way because you are only human – this will also prevent your mind from going whirr to the conclusion that you are a bad person. 

Second, reason out your jealousy. Ask yourself, what is making you jealous of someone you barely know. Someone whose shoes you cannot even step into because you do not know what their shoes are like! When you do reason out, you will find out that all this whirring roots from one doubt that you have about yourself, or one thing you are insecure about, or that one decision you took which you feel was too quick, etc. After reaching there, untangle whatever those things are – this will erase current second-hand jealousy as well as future ones. 

And if none of this helps, we all can always recall what Farah Akhtar said –

“Thoda gham hai sabka qissa, Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa” (Translation for my non-Indian readers: Everyone’s story is a little bit sad, a little sunshine is everyone’s part)

So let us wash off second-hand jealousy (pun intended) and warm our hearts in dhoop (sunshine) of all lives – be it your loved ones or strangers. Along with that, keep up the story and character development of the web series called – your life.