Sugar Words

There are so many times that you do not like to do a certain activity because there is an underlying prejudice that you hold towards an activity/ hobby/occupation. It is not necessarily an experience you have personally had, but due to agitation towards social norms, we tend to grow a dislike towards certain things.

For me, I had developed a prejudice towards cooking. Till the time I was unaware of gender roles and women being confined to the kitchen or their skills being reduced to being a good cook, I enjoyed baking. But as soon as I started noticing stereotypes and experienced discrimination when it came to cooking or household chores, I gave it up all at once. Without notice something that I enjoyed quickly turned into something that I should have knowledge about to survive (just in case). I never saw cooking from an eye of an artist and never put an effort to become good at it. Anytime I would make something and it would be appreciated, I would be indifferent towards the compliment. Because for me being good at cooking translated into fitting into so-called gender roles. 

Until I started living alone. This time I was cooking to feed myself, I was not cooking as a daughter who wanted to help her mother, or as a girl who wanted to surprise her sister, it was not a compulsion or a good deed, it was simply an activity. This time I had a choice, and whatever I choose the consequences were to be endured by only me. This brought a drastic shift in the way I viewed cooking. But more than that I realized we all have developed prejudices towards so many things and it is not serving us in any way (prejudices never do) rather it is robbing us of some of many great experiences!

But how to identify these biases that you might hold and how to get rid of them? Well, there is no one way that will work, but you can use certain guiding steps. After I was re-acquainted with the enjoyment that cooking brings to me, I decided to introspect and came up with a few determinants:-

One: Identifying extreme emotions/disruption in your behavior

To get rid of any bias, the first thing you need to do is identify its roots, and for this, you need to be attentive to certain extreme emotions (“not you” behavior) that might surface. 

It is generally tricky to know that you are feeling an unusual indifference, anger, or agitation, so one simple exercise you can do is to recall/ write your whole day before going to bed. 

After a week or two, you will start noticing patterns, as you would notice that you specifically remember certain instances related to an activity, even though that activity might not be that significant!

Two: Comprehending the roots of the bias

Once you have identified the activity, try to analyze where do these extreme emotions stem from. This exercise becomes relatively easy if you have been able to understand the type of emotions that comes up (eg anger, annoyance, etc). Though, even if you aren’t fully able to understand the source at this point in time, it is completely okay, because once you start to get rid of the bias you will be able to gauge the origin sooner or later.

Three: Getting rid of bias 

Now, this step will look different for everyone. But from my experience, you need to keep the following things in mind while you are trying to separate the social bias from an activity/ concept/ place, etc to make this process a tad bit easier.

First:

Separate the activity from any social obligation. Do not attach any other tags to an activity except its characteristics. Know that it is only an activity/ place/ person, nothing less nothing more. To do this, you can make a mind map to find what labels you are subconsciously affixing

Mind-map (Before)

Now remove the tags that are not directly associated with the activity or the tags that society has given to it.

Once you sit with the fact that only you can decide how to feel about an activity/ person/ place, you will see things in a different light. Know that you hold the power of choosing your likes and dislikes, and no social conditioning can influence it. This not only makes you more self-aware but also sensitizes you towards various social issues. 

You will start to become gentler towards people who have extreme reactions towards certain things, as you realize that this comes from a source still unknown to them. But most of all it helps you to become more mindful of your emotions, rendering more peace and allowing you to enjoy simple things in their complete essence.

Now when you create a  mind-map of the activity you should be able to connect the tags that are independent of any societal pressures or stereotypes.

Mind-map (After)

Second:

The last step to get rid of the bias is to learn the consequences of the actions towards an activity will be only your responsibility and it will not impact anything else. You need to bear this in your mind that what others feel about you pursuing an activity, being friends with a person, or visiting a place does not affect you or your reputation in any way. The only thing that does affect you is the way you tackle their reactions. 

This step helps you to completely disconnect the bias from an activity. Once you are able to internalize that someone being impressed or disappointed because of you undertaking an activity does not indicate them projecting any stereotypes (even if they are it is not your problem)

---

Getting rid of biases/ prejudices is not as effortless as it might seem, but inaction renders us nowhere. If not to make this world a better place, at least in order to make our personal lives a little lighter and happier, we need to become more conscious of the prejudices we hold. 

Being able to separate social prejudice from cooking helped me find how can I make the best use of ingredients I have to craft a balanced meal that is also tasty. I would not say I am a good cook, but I would say that it gives me immense pleasure when I am able to reuse yesterday’s food to make something yummy or when I am able to craft a healthy meal for myself by experimenting. The only consequence is I will have either good or bad food to eat.

On top of that, I know that I am peacefully rebelling against the stereotypes by not letting them affect my choices. 

So let us choose to rebel softly by separating social biases internalized by us in our day-to-day lives and reinstating our right to enjoy anything we wish to (as far as it does not harm anyone).